When You Lose Someone Who Loves You

Published: 16th July 2012
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"To love someone is nothing, to be loved by someone is something, but to be loved by the one you love is everything." -Unknown

As you know I deal a lot with people who lose someone they love and the heartache the goes along with "the end" of their life with someone. I have walked away from people I've loved and there have been people who have walked away from me. I know the pain of experiencing both sides of the equation. But the one thing that all of these endings have in common is that ultimately someone stopped loving the other person.

Okay, well maybe they still have love for you on some level but they clearly have changed their mind that you are not the person they want to share their lives with any longer. So then, let's say their "love level" changed. But when you lose someone who no longer loves you, what have your really lost?

I can hear the roar of the crowd coming at me. What have I really lost, you ask? Here are just some of the answers I can hear being shouted out at me: I've lost a lifetime of memories with this person. I've lost my life with them. I've lost my life as I know it. I've lost my self-esteem. I've lost my hopes and my dreams with this person. I've lost everything. I've lost the one person I love more than anything.

And yes, I agree. You have lost a lot and that is why it is so painful. Your loss can feel immeasurable and unbearable at times. It can feel overwhelming. But here is my point: love is the most precious gift you can give and receive and everyone deserves to have love and feel love and know love.

There isn't anything that can compare to loving and being loved by someone. I mean truly loved. There isn't anything as wonderful and soul-filling as unconditional love. And that is exactly what you deserve and what we all need. But when you love someone and you aren't being loved back, and this is your life partner? What is this relationship? What do you call that?

Remember, I don't typically deal with people who are experiencing the normal ups and downs that come along in all relationships. That is for relationship counselors. I'm talking about after you've tried everything you know short of doing somersaults down Main St. to make this love work. I'm talking about "the end" when the love is gone and it is over. And no amount of hoping, wishing and praying that they change their mind is going to change a thing. You don't want to believe that they don't love you anymore.

So again, I ask you; if you lose someone who doesn't love you, what have you lost?

But now let me dig down deeper and ask you, what have you gained? First of all, you walk away with a text book of life lessons. You walk away with memories that serve you and those that can be tossed aside. You may walk away with being blessed with children that will continue to bless you for a lifetime. You walk away with the strength and character that is built by going through adversity. But more than anything else you are released from not being loved to being able to find the kind of love you so richly deserve.

I was thinking about all of this because of my mom. I was thinking how I have cried over my own losses in past relationships and how I've helped others through their pain of losing someone they loved. But I stopped and thought to myself, what did I really lose? Someone who didn't love me? Is that really a loss? Is it? When you take the emotion out of it and think about it, when you lose someone that didn't love you, what have you lost?

But by feeling what it is like to actually lose someone who loves you is the greatest heartache of all. In a way, it is selfish. I laugh because I don't want to lose someone who loves me so much and be left alone to find the maybes.

There is no more solid foundation of being loved by someone, especially a mother. The sense of security and having a safe place to totally be your self is a gift. Being loved unconditionally is freeing. But even though there is loss and as I said it is the greatest loss of all, what you take away is far greater than the loss.

You take with you the gift they've imparted to you; of knowing how to love and the feeling of being loved back, which is the greatest gift of all. You take away how they have made you a better person by knowing them. And, you take away a lifetime of memories that will sustain you throughout the rest of your life.

But more than anything else you take with you one soul being felt by another which is love in its most pure form. I am who I am because of the love I have known by someone who truly loves me. And for that I will be forever grateful. My greatest wish for you is to know this kind of love.

If you are with someone and they don't love you back or you've lost someone who didn't really love you...what have you lost when they're gone?


Susan Russo is an author and coach who has helped people from around the world move beyond heartache and pain after their breakup or divorce. Would you like to heal your broken heart sooner rather than later? Find out exactly how with Susan's FREE copy of the 7 Steps to heal your broken heart.

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